It is days like today that I wonder why I ever wanted to be a mom. It is days like today when my son smashes his banana into our fairly new area rug. It is days when my girls cut each others hair. It is days when my daughter uses a marker to write her name on her dresser and on the car seat. It is days when my daughter uses the word "NO" more often than "Yes". It is days when my daughter draws on our big screen TV with a pen and scratches it. It is days when I have just mopped the floor and then my son pours chocolate powder all over it. It is days when there are far more finger prints on the walls than there are minutes in a week. It is days when all of my kids erase stuff off my computer or my phone or my kindle. It is days when nothing I make for dinner is good enough....even when it is something they have had and loved before. All of these days make me wonder "WHY?".
Sadly, I wonder why more often than I am grateful for the why. I know why I had children. I remember wanting children so badly and I remember being so darn excited with each child.
I wonder a lot how my own mother did it. She had 8 children, none of them were particularly well behaved :) I have only 3 children and I feel so overwhelmed 95% of the day, each day.
There are times when I call Michael (sometimes crying and sometimes not) and all I need to tell him is, "I hate being a mother today!" I really wish it were not the case. I really wish I had the patience to love motherhood EVERYDAY! I don't. I love my children unconditionally.....but I do not love being a mother unconditionally.
If there were not the days where my son runs to me and says, "Mommy, I love you!" or the days when my daughter says, "Mommy, you are my favorite mommy ever." or the days when my other daughter says, " Mom, you are the best cook!", I think I would ask "WHY?" far more often.
I LOVE my children. I feel so honored that I am the one trusted to raise them. I honestly believe there are thousands of others who would do a better job than me, but for now, I will do my best.
Happy Mothers Day!
