I don't like saying this, but today I wanted nothing to do with my children. Although I feel justified in disliking them, I still feel extremely guilty. I know I should want to be with my children. I know I should forgive them for being children. I know I should just forget myself and the stress. I know deep down that if I did not have them in my life I would be a wreck. On days like today, I need to remind myself how lucky I am to have them in my life every day.
As I was driving my three loud children today....trying to not crash while I was crying... my mind instantly went to my oldest sister. She has 4 children. I know that throughout the years of raising her 4 children she has felt the same that I feel today. I am positive at times she has wondered why she became a mother. I am certain she has felt guilt as a mother. I only have 3 children and I am overwhelmed a lot. It is hard to think of adding on a fourth.
The thing that amazes me is not that she has 4 children and has raised each one to be talented, spiritual, smart, funny and overall good people (although, I am amazed at that). The thing that amazes me is that she wants to add not one child....but three more children to her family. She wants to adopt 3 children from the Ukraine...one in which she has never met.
It makes me cry.
It reminds me how lucky I am to have my children in my life daily. She considers these three children her own already....and she misses them. She wants so badly to have them in her home.
I wish I could be the mom that she is. She is a better mom to those 3 children that don't live with her than I am to my 3 children who live with me.
I wish I could help more. I know that if my children were away from me until I raised a certain amount of money, my sister would jump at the opportunity to help me out. So, I hope those that read this post will feel prompted to help out.
Here is their blog: http://truaxadoptionadventure.blogspot.com
Help if you can. She is a good mother and she deserves to be with all her children.
